Sunday, March 16, 2014

My Strength is Enough

Seventy-one and a half days.  That is how long until Workshop (the beginning of the summer season) starts at Barakel.  I started a countdown in January.  I don't have a job yet, but I can hope.  I have to hope.  Why?  Because I need something to look forward to.  I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat it; this six and a half months has been hard.  Really hard.  And not for any of the reasons everyone thought it would be.  I work with kids who are in the system and need help.  Everyone said that would be difficult, that I would have to develop a thick skin and find the line between caring and professionalism.  That's been easy.  The hard part has been everything I didn't expect.  I didn't expect it would be hard to find a ride to church and, therefore, wouldn't have one.  I didn't expect that getting groceries would be so difficult.  I didn't expect that I would not make a single close friend I could talk to about life and work.  I didn't expect that I would not be treated with respect and appreciation.  I didn't expect that my housemate would have a breakdown half-way through our internship and leave indefinitely, or that my supervisor and my boss (two different people) would each be replaced twice in less than nine months, or that there would be so little structure, expectations, and work in general.  I didn't expect that I would be so lonely.  I didn't expect that my trust and reliance on my Savior would be so critically important and tested so often.  Fortunately, though, He hasn't let me down.  My life here is not glamorous or wonderful or desirable, but it is good enough.  It has taught me a lot.  It has stretched my comfort zone and expanded my knowledge in so many areas.  It has been what I needed, even if it wasn't what I wanted or expected it would be.  And through it all, my heavenly Daddy has been there, and He's been enough.  Every minute, every hour, every day, just enough.