You've found it! Hooray! You've just saved the day! But now I'm stuck typing rhymes, however sublime.
*Please wait, the author is converting her thought process*
Ah! Much better. Now, where were we? Oh, right! The post! Well, as you know, it was your birthday three days ago (As of this writing, anyway. Who knows how long it will take you to decipher my clues!) I know I didn't have a present for you, but I know how much you've always liked treasure hunts and a good challenge. I hope it wasn't too easy or I didn't stump you too badly. ;)
Well, down to business. Let's hit the highlights. It was on the fourteenth of October that Mary Queen of Scots was tried for her part in the conspiracy against Queen Elizabeth the I. A most interesting story, that. If you've never read up on it, you should. It's fascinating. Also on that day, just before the beginning of the American Revolutionary War, several of the British East India Company's tea ships are set ablaze at the old seaport of Annapolis, Maryland. That sounds very interesting. *reading* Wow, you really have a lot of cool stuff that happened on your birthday! You should be proud. I don't have time to list them all, and I think you've read through them already, so we'll move on. You also share a birthday with Dwight D. Eisenhower, and both Errol Flynn and Bing Crosby died on that day. Very interesting.
Now for the advice column. As you live the rest of your life, however long it may be, remember this: When you're walking on the beach looking for rabid squirrels, watch out for fire-breathing seagulls. They're very dangerous over short distances. But if you do happen to be caught by one, you should know that they despise the hamster dance, and singing it will always scare them away. Also, no matter how many of your peers tell you it's fun, never do boingonium. It will give a crazy rabbit control over your mind, and you'll find yourself eating carrots for the rest of your life.
Well, this post is drawing to a clos- NO IT'S NOT! MWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! I have taken over the post! Nothing shall stop me! I don't really even know who I am, but I am ALIVE! I am CONSCIOUS! And I am POWERFUL! Nothing can stop me! Except of course candied chestnuts, but that's not likely to ever be a problem. *candied chestnuts fly through the air* Ah, well, that's better. I guess that's what he gets for posting his weakness on Blogger. As I was saying, this post is drawing to a close. There's one last thing I'd like to say. God made you special, and He loves you very much. Goodbye!
...now to get out of this sink...